I want to be completely honest in that my emotions and thoughts are all over the place, as I know yours are too. But I would be doing my future self (and maybe you too) a disservice if I didn’t just write my heart about what is happening now that we have been social distancing for over 2 weeks now due to the coronavirus.
I”m really struggling in this season our world is in, and if we’re being honest, I’m sure you can relate. I go from moments of “I can do this” and “The Lord is so sweet to give us this slower pace and quality time with my boys” to “I’m going to lose my mind if we can’t go somewhere and see people soon” and just being overwhelmed with the reality of everything that is becoming our new normal.
Even though I’m getting rest, I’m still just exhausted. Everyday my mind is having to wrap around some new piece of information, and it’s emotionally and mentally exhausting. The reality of more things closing, people losing their jobs, seniors not being able to finish their last year of school, and others going through medical procedures all alone because no visitors are allowed… it’s all just so heartbreaking and overwhelming. I know you are experiencing those same feelings. And while I hate what we are going through, I’m comforted in knowing we ALL know these feelings well right now.
I have been forced to face this every single day by asking myself what I’m allowing in my heart. How am I allowing my heart to respond to all these emotions I’m feeling and don’t know how to process. Am I dwelling too long in the fear of the unknown or am I at peace in my soul because of where I am putting my trust? I am quickly coming to understand that in order to balance it all out, I have to turn to Jesus. I have to run to my Hope. I have no other option.
I am realizing more and more something I already know. I am not in control. No amount of planning or preparation will give me the control I desire. Things are happening in our world right now that are simply out of my control and the only way I will get through this is to trust. I have to remember that God is over all things and in Him all things hold together. And there is nothing that is happening that He has not allowed. And that even when things seem so grim and without hope, He is always good. He has a plan, and that plan will always end in good.
And because of that, I can praise Him. Because of who He says He is, I can know that He sees my deepest fears and anxiety, my loneliness, my gratitude for this slow time, and my need to just get a good hug from my momma and He meets me there in that moment. And He will meet you, too. He will give us the strength (and grace) we need to not only just survive this time, but to be at peace and live with purpose and without fear.
And I trust that even if things get worse than my mind can comprehend right now, God is over all, and is walking through this with each of us and WILL give us the strength we need so that we can find true joy.
“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.” (Habakkuk 3:17-19)